Rain on my parade

I'm trying to have good days. Can I ever reach a happy life not ever experiencing something close to that? So I'm examining my life and I know i am not happy. I have beautiful children a home, perhaps modest, but still a home of my own. Everything on paper is great. I lead a middle class life. But I'm getting a taste in my mouth that leads me to believe that this cant be the American dream. At least not to me. I'm not satisfied with my accomplishment's. I'm feeling the outcome of my lazy youth. I feel hindered by my partner. I feel we are sucking the life out of our relationship. We are so indifferent. I feel as if my mind is shutting down. Once so creative now so boring. I need my spirit back. If i can ever find it.